There is a famous sketch by Rowan Atkinson where he plays the father of the bride at his daughters wedding…’there comes a time in every wedding ceremony when the man who paid for it all gets to say a few words…’ the same is true of gardens and that time appears to have arrived sooner than I expected! As Yesper Lynd (Casino Royale) says ‘I am the money’ but I am also the grunt. I am in charge of the hard work…sorry, the hard landscaping. Oh boy, do I have to thank Sarah Raven and others for a lot of it this year. Whilst my wife is tucked up nice and warm planning borders, veggie plots and buying seeds etc off the internet or even venturing out to her heated greenhouse, I am coppicing hazel (in the rain), building raised beds (in the rain) and shoveling horse poo (in the rain and hail)…believe me, you ask a few questions of yourself doing that job. Fortunately the money and the grunt are not mutually exclusive and the more I do of one the less we spend of the other…it has been a very frugal year!

I appreciate that this is in danger of spiraling out of control into a full blown winge but I can end that here by confirming officially and in print that it has actually been quite good fun (horse poo excepted) and extremely rewarding. Being able to say I coppiced the wood from which I built the structures for the veggie patch is a long way from the day job and it must score me some ‘good husband’ points at the coffee mornings. So, armed with no more than a printed photo from Sarah Raven’s garden (note, no breach of copyright…we took the photo) I managed to reconstruct something that, even if I do say so myself, looks better than the original. You will know from the previous entries (few as they are so far) that SR is regarded in somewhat high regard round here. In fact, it would not be unfair to regard ’she who must be obeyed’ as something of a ‘follower’ rather than an normal admirer of her work. Expect the full Salman Rushdie treatment if you ‘disrespect’ the leader…
You may have seen the fruits of my labours in some of the photos already posted but I thought a couple of specific non-plant related images might be of interest. Firstly, I must point out that if I can do this then so can anyone. I have no particular skills other than a small amount of common sense which can also frequently be called into question. I have power tools that I dare not remove from their boxes for fear of important bits of me suddenly and without provocation dropping off. I work with someone who is ruthlessly practical and he laughs at me regularly. I am sure you now have the picture.
So it is that I have discovered that I can no longer live without cable ties, 2 by 2 (technical speak, used at my local Jewsons) and 25mm blue water pipe! I have Geoff Hamilton to thank for the cloches. I managed to knock up 4 for a very reasonable price in an hour or so. The only expensive bit is the dowling which in future I intend to replace with straight 18mm grey water pipe at a fraction of the cost. Other than that they are highly recommended. The bricks and string you can see are an improvised 2am fix to finding them blown all round the garden in the recent high winds, which they survived I must add…a testiment to GH’s design or my execution is still subject to debate. Anyway here is a picture…

I mentioned earlier that my wife spends much of her time at the moment planning and purchasing in our office and potting up seeds in a nice warm greenhouse…this is my centre of operations. A little more exposed and not quite so well insulated but the ventilation helps with the two large bags of horse poo…

Ok, so it doesn’t rain all the time…and I haven’t finished the paving off before it gets mentioned…unfinished project No: 24357…re-scheduled for 2009.
A major project recently was to replace the fencing in the flower garden. The concrete fence posts which never decay, erm, crumbled like fresh cheese…the winds took care of the rest. Now I’ve never done fencing before so I decided to draft in some help in the form of my Dad who, thankfully (being a surveyor) is able to read a tape measure and promptly turned up and moved all my canes marking the spots where I believed the posts needed to go…I still maintain that I knew he would check my calculations and spot my deliberate error in not allowing for the posts themselves between the panels. Anyway, I think they turned out ok considering that we couldn’t always dig down as far as we wanted to because of previously discarded bags of cement, metal straps and what I think was either an old oil tank or the casing of an unexploded bomb…either way, we weren’t digging through it.

I would like to thank my Dad for all his help and guidance. A mention should also go to my work colleague, Richard, who supplied all the heavy duty gear…6ft steel ram pole and bolt cutters…don’t ask. But don’t struggle to dig a post out if you don’t have to. Just knock it down to below ground level and snip the reinforcing steel with the bolt cutters, set your new posts to one side (if you can)…an invaluable bit of advice and without it I suspect I would still be there digging now!
In this photo you can also see the final stages of the flower garden refurbishment. The beds used to be bordered by wine bottles but they had started to look like the Pogues frontman’s teeth (his name escapes me…Shane something, I think). They have now gone to the bottle bank (4 car loads to the local pub, very embarrassing) to be replaced by 1 inch treated board which if set into the ground should look pretty good…same as used in the new borders below…

Mercifully, I am nearing then end of my slot. It been a long one but I am not planning on doing it again…too many unfinished jobs as you can no doubt see. However, I would just like to indulge myself with a few last looks at the veggie plot and my finest moment…the hazel…

And another…

And the last…
It is now time for a celebratory cold beer. The only thing left to do is to thank my long suffering wife for giving me this opportunity to recognise and enjoy the truly finer things in life.